While cleaning out my folders at work I found this writing

Instructions for the unpractical acquisition of toilet paper

Go to a Pittsburgh Pirates Game. At the end of the game, go to the bathroom and steal a roll. If you are a woman, put it under your shirt and hope that the surrounding people and potential security guards think you are pregnant. Remove the roll at the bus stop to the polite jeers of passing men saying, “ha, you stole that.” Reply accordingly. When they say “you don’t have to be ashamed,” say “I’m not ashamed.” Feel uncomfortable as they proceed to try and hit on you, using the TP theft as an opening. Get on the bus and go home. Tell your roommate about your acquiring. Listen to him say, “oh, I have been meaning to get some from my work.” Reply in a fake mean tone, “Oh. You mean that place you go everyday that doesn’t cost 16 dollars?” Walk away abruptly. But then. Feel pure delight that the roll is still around three weeks!/ four weeks! later. Fantasize about going to another game.

My last day of work was last Saturday and I felt sad cleaning out my folders and drawer. But get this! Somehow, in some way, Regina Spektor was playing outloud on the first floor for like 10 songs! Regina Spektor is my favorite singer of all now! How could this be? It was magic! I am considering it a celebration.