While cleaning out my folders at work I found this writing

Instructions for the unpractical acquisition of toilet paper

Go to a Pittsburgh Pirates Game. At the end of the game, go to the bathroom and steal a roll. If you are a woman, put it under your shirt and hope that the surrounding people and potential security guards think you are pregnant. Remove the roll at the bus stop to the polite jeers of passing men saying, “ha, you stole that.” Reply accordingly. When they say “you don’t have to be ashamed,” say “I’m not ashamed.” Feel uncomfortable as they proceed to try and hit on you, using the TP theft as an opening. Get on the bus and go home. Tell your roommate about your acquiring. Listen to him say, “oh, I have been meaning to get some from my work.” Reply in a fake mean tone, “Oh. You mean that place you go everyday that doesn’t cost 16 dollars?” Walk away abruptly. But then. Feel pure delight that the roll is still around three weeks!/ four weeks! later. Fantasize about going to another game.

My last day of work was last Saturday and I felt sad cleaning out my folders and drawer. But get this! Somehow, in some way, Regina Spektor was playing outloud on the first floor for like 10 songs! Regina Spektor is my favorite singer of all now! How could this be? It was magic! I am considering it a celebration.

Priorities

Today at lunch I was writing a very serious email to a state police officer. Then from the vague distance I heard a slight buzzing sound. It's January 30th! I completely forgot! Kazoo Fest 2010!

Terry gave me a kazoo at the FedUp! benefit and I really enjoy playing it. I then saw a flyer that said kazoo fest was happening in the children's library during my lunch break. But I had forgotten about it until I heard the buzz. When I heard the buzzing, I jumped up, ran past Cynthia to the puffy vest, got my kazoo out, and speed walked over to the children's room. I then did the hokey pokey, kazooed Happy Birthday to beethoven, and did an Ode to Joy. My kazoo stopped buzzing well after that. I think it needs some new wax paper.

Extraverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging

Virginia asked me my Meyers Briggs personality and then Katey asked me, so I decided to take the test today. I found out I am an ENFJ which links me to being a teacher and an idealist. The best excerpt thing I read about ENFJs was, "They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/ or grand schemes. HA! Life size chess! Every fundraiser ever!

http://typelogic.com/enfj.html

Featuring Dave's Misshaped Collection

Pretty soon I will not be a monster. Pretty soon I will have short hair.

2 kinds

I heard somewhere that there are two kinds of families. Those who can make it through dinner without the dictionary, and those who can't. I heard somewhere that there are two kinds of people. Those who do one something very well, and those who do a lot of things mediocre-ly. I understand that there are so many other kinds and kinds. But of these choices I am leaning towards looking up romantic while eating kale and then writing a song, zine, and four letters about the definition.

Dakota Fanning

Is the most articulate celebrity in the entire world.

Break Up Letter

Dear Muffins,

We have been having a few hard weeks, have you noticed? I don't know if I can do this anymore. This. You know, seeing you everyday. I am tired of my expectations not being met. When I saw you today, you looked ok, but deep down, you just aren't doing it for me. I think our relationship is over. I can't handle this kind of dissappointment. The truth is I don't need you anymore. I have found someone else. His name is water and he never lets me down. I'm sorry I had to tell you on the interwebs, I just didn't know how else to say it.

Best,
Amanda