No More Wishy Washy

Me and N pinky swore and I liked what he said in the car, and it ran through me at the post office.  It was something like, why be anxious chasing new things, when you could just love what you already have? These friends, you know?  His best friend is moving away.  We will talk about it some other time, cause right now, he has nothing nice to say.

We hung out for an hour after the dance.  I crawled into a cubbie mistaking butterscotch for sweetened condensed milk and got called on it.  What is this color?  How many gross words can describe it?  It's not even gross in the end, because it's probably the color of your gross, because in the end I am shifting around on my toes trying not to have a new crush, eating snax, failing horribly.  It's hard trying to decide to stick to what I decide when what I decide could take ten years and no part of my life wants THAT right now, you know?

I got in real close and told him real sternly,"There is something you should know N. People want to hang out with you not only if they are bored, but because you are cool.  You don't have to qualify each invitation with that."

Oh splendid recovery.

The best part of today was the laundry list of the best part of today. The best part of today was everything.  But mostly that time when we were saying goodbye and everyone was coming over to begin again.  When we showed D our symbols for courage and she laughed and laughed.  When P knew about your energy work because I had told her; that somebody knew something about you and that I had helped.  When I remembered we had hung out earlier and melted, the sweat on my upper lip, the polar pop for 74 cents, my first anchovie!  I was scared I would vomit but you of course had advil that O had given you.  Of course she called you to bring some because I told her you still had it. How you asked offhandedly before you left if anyone else needed any, and of course M did.  It felt like caring for each other.  It felt like D's first kale smoothie.  It felt like B admitting he had found one on the table and one in the fridge and he had eaten them both.  Everyone was glad that had happened.  Even me.

H called.  Their trip is over and now they are home.  What was that emotion at the computer?  I want to tell everyone and no one and overflow and gush with this. Oh yes, an appreciation for who we know and what we do for each other.  We should hang out sometime, I have some new poems to share and I am going to learn that song.  How do I know what the words are for this?  Because B called so I had a reason to talk.  "We're just going to post on the website and see if they get to it."

Hey girl.  Remember you ordered a computer part off of ebay without having a meltdown?  Remember you completed a 6 month budget report on excel without having a meltdown?  See. You have courage. See. You are growing.  You're like ten steps closer to having a smartphone with that maneuver.  So what is the wish?  What is the wash?